Here are some numbers for you. What do they mean?
5
14.45
5276
11,850
23,292
180,914
Okay - prepare to get your mind completely blown. With Max essentially potty trained now, I thought I'd figure out how much I have spent on diapers and wipes through the years. I hope you're wearing a diaper of your own right now as you look at the numbers again, because you may end up soiling yourself.
5 = kids
14.45 = years of continuous diaper changing
5276 = days of continuous diaper changing
$11,850 = spent on diapers and wipes during those 14.45 years
23,292 = total number of diapers changed
$180,914 = money that would be in my 401k if I had invested that "diaper" money with my 401k match at the average annual return that my 401k has returned.
There were some assumptions made in the math:
- For a couple of those years, I wasn't employed by a company with a 401k program
- For a couple other of those years, I wasn't even employed
- For a couple other years, I was employed by a company with a solid 401k program, but I wasn't smart enough to invest in it
- Knowing me and Andrea, any extra money would not have gone into 401k anyway, but instead would be blown on vacations, electronics and fun or funky stuff made out of iron shaped like wagon wheels or stars that Andrea likes to hang on our walls.
S0, we probably wouldn't have $180k sitting in the bank right now if our kids would have been smart enough to use the toilet right after we brought them home from the hospital.
Oh, I just thought of another number:
5823
That's the number of poopy diapers changed if you assume that one in four diapers has a special suprise in there waiting for you. Since Andrea and I have always just put poopy diapers in plastic Safeway sacks, that means we must have also bought nearly 6000 bags of groceries over that same period of time. Wow.
Now, for one last set of numbers:
69876
1164
48.5
If we consider that a diaper change consists of holding the baby's butt up to your nose, finding the diapers and wipes and wrestling them into some sort of judo submission hold before you actually even change the diaper, you can estimate each diaper change probably runs about 3 minutes. (Don't tell me I'm slow - think about all that goes into the process of changing a diaper. Don't forget to calculate in the time you and your spouse fight over who's turn it is.) Look at these numbers:
69876 = minutes spent changing diapers
1164 = continuous hours spent changing diapers
48.5 = continuous days spent changing diapers
I should establish that I have been a very active dad in changing diapers, so I'm confident in my estimations and feel good about taking credit for a chunk of the diaper changing time.
You'd think after all that, I'd be depressed. That's a ton of money and time spent completely on something that no one wants to do. But, I'm not depressed because of that. Instead I get sad when I realize that I don't have any babies left, that my kids are growing up way too fast and before I know it, I may even miss holding a little one's butt up to my nose to see if they've cooked up a nice little suprise.
Plus, there's another angle to the math. I'm 39 years old. In 14.45 years, at 53 years old I'll be hoping I'm closer to retiring. If I'm wise, during those 14.45 years I'll invest in my 401k the same way I have diapers and have an extra $180k to retire with.
Who am I kidding though? We all know how much I like to blow money on vacations and how irrestistable to Andrea the huge iron wagon wheels and tin stars to hang on the wall are.
Blast from the Past
Goin' all the way back to December 2009, this is our most recent family picture. Andrea and I should get some sort of Nobel prize for the perfect gene combination. Look at those kids!
When does that fake football thingy start again? You've got waaay too much free time.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! I was just having this conversation with a friend, so thank you for calculating the math for us. The fact that I have 5 children myself, makes it all the more applicable to me. I do however, still have one in diapers and would be willing to let you in on the diaper changing when you find yourself grieving over that loss.
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